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failure noun

fail·ure | \ ˈfāl-yər  \

Definition of failure

1a : omission of occurrence or performance

specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action

Becoming a mom was easy. From the joys of pregnancy to the fun baby shower celebrations, and just overall experiencing all the things for the first time, my introduction to motherhood was pretty seamless. I had an easy scheduled c-section, a non-crying baby who also loved to sleep, and a great support system who helped me transition into my new “mom role” with… well, ease.

All that being said, almost 9 years later and there are days {often} that I feel like an enormous failure. I now have 3 humans that fully rely on me to perform. They expect clean laundry, food prepared for them, and you know? All the basic necessities that parents are supposed to give their kids on the daily.

Today I prepared their breakfast with no smile on my face and hardly any communication. I picked them up from school, asked how their day was, and within 45 seconds had moved on to my email, because mama works too. Tonight we did zero homework and not because there wasn’t any, but because I literally didn’t have it “in” me. For dinner, one kid ate frozen fish sticks, another had frozen chicken nuggets, and another kid had absolutely nothing. And I was genuinely okay with all of that. Then when it was all said and done, I barked orders at them to hustle, shower, no time for reading, and get to bed… before 7 pm nonetheless. Then I tucked them in and told them goodnight, all with the weight of motherhood on my shoulders and no smile on my face. Mom-ing is hard. Juggling it ALL is hard.

I didn’t get today right at all, in fact I failed hard.

You may even be thinking to yourself “well this has been AWESOME birth control, thanks for the uplifting rant about having kids and how much motherhood sucks the life out of you.” You may even have a thought inside of you that wondering why I’m even a mom at all. I get it, I really really do.

Here’s the truth though. As much of a failure as I sometimes feel on the inside, on the outside my 3 beautiful humans truly see me as a superhero. They “think” I can do it all, because 9 out of 10 times I DO do it all. I wear the room mom hat, the stay at home mom hat, the working mom hat, the mostly put together looking mom hat, the baseball mom hat, the dance mom hat, the chef hat, the housekeeper hat, the list goes on and on. My children have learned how to love big by being loved even bigger. They have learned work ethic by seeing work ethic even when mommy is ignoring them while writing an email. They have even learned about the ups and downs of having a spouse, because marriage is equally as hard as being a parent. They’ve learned kindness through forgiveness, generosity through selfishness, courage through fear, and confidence through weakness. And I have to pause and remind myself of that even through the guilt of failure.

With all the hats we wear as moms and even what seems like complete unteachable moments in their life, know that you are not alone. We are ALL failures from time to time. We ARE going to fail hard. Almost 9 years later and I’m just now learning to forgive myself for all of the errors I’ve made while being a mom. My kids are now teaching me kindness through forgiveness, generosity through selfishness, courage through fear, and confidence through weakness. It’s funny how that works when the tables turn and your kids start teaching you how to be a bucket-filler and an overall, better more intentional person.

Being “mom” isn’t about perfection, it’s not even really about failure, it’s pretty simple… it’s just about being somebody’s superhero.

Now go grab your invisible cape and if you’re me, a pair of high heels and conquer this mom-ing gig one human, one failure, one kiss goodnight at a time.

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Bio: Allison is the Co-founder and Owner of Austin Moms Blog and has lived in the Capital of Texas her entire life. She has a degree in English from The University of Texas-Austin {Hook ‘Em}. A former advertising executive and media planner, Allison spent much of her career executing advertising campaigns for her clients.

While celebrating Labor Day in 2007 with friends, Allison met Wesley – handsome, confident, and eager to make Allison his bride.

Allison has never been conventional so it’s only fitting that she and Wesley started their family before becoming husband and wife. In July 2010, Lincoln, was born. By June 2011, Allison added “wife” to her resume. In March 2013, their family grew with the addition of Townsend and in April 2016, they added baby girl, Larkin to the mix. Allison now juggles the complexities of being a work from home mom of 3. She loves conquering anything DIY or Annie Sloan Chalk Paint, Boxed Wine, Sushi, and finding new projects for her husband to complete… oh and of course, writing.

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